Death of a snowman

This winter the UK witnessed the worst snowfall it’s seen in 18 years.  This also meant a big increase in snowmen immigration and carrot sales in the UK increased by 60%.  The acceptance of the snowmen immigration was however short-lived and people and the weather soon turned their backs and left the snowmen to fade away and die.

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Bob Sleigh Marley went out only days after the carpet of snow had disappeared to report on the brutal  disappearance of the snowmen in London's parks.  Below is a brutal and schematic list of what Bob Sledge Marley found:

 

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Name: Pedro
Nationality: Mexican/Irish
Profession: Chilly importer
Cause of Death: Melting
Murder suspect: Warmweather
Criminal evidence: dislodged potato eyes, chilly nose and branch arms

 

 

 

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Name: Cone Etto
Nationality: British
Profession: Hat maker
Cause of Death: Attacked by Warmweather
Murder suspect: Warmweather
Criminal evidence: Hat removed and warning message written to other snowmen

 

 

 

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Name: Freeze Lighting
Nationality: American
Profession: Rock’n Roller and Hairdresser
Cause of Death: Melting
Murder suspect: Warmweather
Criminal evidence: His comb and his cool has been removed and discarded near by.

 

 

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Name: Scarf Ace
Nationality: Cuban
Profession: Gangster (believed to be importer of the lethal drug “Ice”)
Cause of Death: Overheating
Murder suspect: Humans
Criminal evidence: A scarf that’s been used to dress Scarf Ace which led to his overheating and early death.

 

 

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Name: Head L-Ice
Nationality: Brazilian
Profession: Karate Trainer
Cause of Death: Blow to the head
Murder suspect: Humans
Criminal evidence: The head resting next to the body, obviously after a blow to the head by a human foot

 

 

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Name: Andy Cold
Nationality: British
Profession: Footballer
Cause of Death: Removal of upper torso
Murder suspect: Humans
Criminal evidence: The total lack of an upper body

 

 

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Name: Ice-Kareem Abdul-Jabar
Nationality: American
Profession: Basketball Player (Team: Frozen Lakers)
Cause of Death: Double dribbling
Murder suspect: Warmweather
Criminal evidence: Dribble of melted snow on the ground

 

 

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Name: Danny Glover
Nationality: American
Profession: Actor
Cause of Death: Jealous attack
Murder suspect: Sunny
Criminal evidence: Jealous attack from fellow cold-blooded actor Sunny

 

 

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Name: Ice-Pick Nick & Family
Nationality: Wales
Profession: Family man and kids
Cause of Death: Washout during picnic in the park
Murder suspect: Rainyweather
Criminal evidence: Wet ground and scattered picnic items

 

 

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Name: Kira Penguinilly
Nationality: Australian
Profession: Musician in the band INXS
Cause of Death: Su-ice-ide
Murder suspect: Himself
Criminal evidence: The tune “Su-ice-ide Blond” was blaring out of his freezer on the 10th floor in the Highr-ice seen behind Mr Penguinilly

 

 

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Name: Nob Icile
Nationality: British
Profession: Beef-heater
Cause of Death: Overheating on bus
Murder suspect: Bus driver and former Beef-heater
Criminal evidence: Puddle on the bus

 

 

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Name: Jam Ice A
Nationality: Jamaican
Profession: Musician
Cause of Death: Hit by white van.  Dreads pulled off his head.
Murder suspect: White van man
Criminal evidence: Screeching tracks from the white van as he failed to snow down

 

 

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Name: Water Matthau
Nationality: American
Profession: Actor
Cause of Death: Melting. He had snow hope of survival
Murder suspect: Warmweather and Rainweather
Criminal evidence: A big puddle below the body.
 

 

 

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Name: Dirty Har-ice
Nationality: American
Profession: Snowball shooter
Cause of Death: Attacked by dogs
Murder suspect: Dogs
Criminal evidence: Soiled himself due to fear.  As well as snowmen  excrements there was also evidence of dog excrements on the corps

 

 

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Name: Siam Icetwins
Nationality: Norwegian
Profession: Unemployed
Cause of Death: Melting
Murder suspect: Warmweather
Criminal evidence: The disintegration of the body

 

 

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Name: Snow Patrol
Nationality: British
Profession: Musicians
Cause of Death: Attacked by teenagers while celebrating in the park.
Murder suspect: Warmweather and Rainweather
Criminal evidence: The score to the song “there’s snow business like snow business”, shoe marks in the snowmen’s bodies.